Every Change is for the Worse
by Cherry Champagne
Summary: TaixMatt, featuring special guest star TK. Everyone's an annoying jerk to everyone else and wishes everyone else wouldn't be such an annoying jerk to them. Porn WITH Plot. That title sucks.
1. Matt Gets Sexed

AN: Okeedokee, I wrote this for fun? So please don't read and then leave some review being all "the characterization was flawed hya and hya, and there seems to be a grammar error blah blah." I mean I tried to make it semi-decent but for fuck's sake it's DIGIMON FANFIC don't take it so seriously. Also there's much to be offended by, so uh…this fic contains much sex and due to its content should not be read by anyone. (Sorry for OOCness, wangst, and…everything else. Thank you for reading, anyway.

--

Tai felt mildly on top of the world. Like he'd picked a nasty scab to find it'd healed completely, or he'd won a fight he'd picked without thinking he could—which was sort of what he did, if you wanted to get especially metaphorical. It was a grey day, cold for summer, but he couldn't have found it prettier. He was just in that kind of mood.

He knocked on the door to Matt's apartment before letting himself in, to warn any naked people in the living room, which there had yet to be any of, though he was always prepared. It was charmingly messy, as per usual, and he had to lift his legs high to step over a pile of pillows in the entryway, before stooping to tug off his sneakers. The TV was blasting, TK asleep on the couch, a melting Popsicle in his lolling hand. It had melted off the stick, down his wrist, and onto the hardwood floor, while he drooled sticky rainbow rivulets onto his chest. Knowing he didn't have to clean it up made it adorable. TK was always adorable.

"Matt?" He spoke, not daring to yell for fear of waking TK, but not bothering to whisper, considering the screaming of the TV wasn't doing the job, so he wasn't likely to, either.

"I'm in the kitchen!"

It took a certain amount of hopping to get past the living room and to the source of the voice. Matt was at the stove, playing with something in a frying pan, wearing his stupid pink apron. Even the stupid, stupid apron seemed absolutely charming to Tai right then.

"Just making some lunch. Want some?"

"Sure, thanks." He supported himself on the table as he lowered his butt into a chair.

"So what's up?"

"What makes you think something's up?" Too loud.

"Uh…I was just asking in general, but now I definitely think something's up.…" There was a smile in his voice. Tai figured he could change the subject without much difficulty.

"TK made a mess."

"What, again!? God damnit, he's only been here a week and every day he's made a huge mess!" Matt dropped the spatula into the frying pan and stomped out of the room in his ridiculously stupid apron, Tai turning uncomfortably at the waist to watch him. He listened to the sound of Matt yelling, TK waking up and mumbling incoherently, more yelling, TK yelling, and the both of them returning, surprisingly cheerfully. TK gave him a wry smile as he dug a wet washcloth out of the sink, briefly rubbed the polychromatic smears from his face, one-eightied, and marched high-spiritedly back out.

"So you didn't answer me." He shouldn't have let Matt out of his sight. From behind, two hands clenched his face, jerking his chin up to look into Matt's curious blue eyes, trapping him in his chair.

"Don't, lemme go!" He grabbed Matt's elbow and tried to tug his hand away, to no avail.

"Not until you tell me!"

"It's nothing interesting—your spatula's melting."

Matt squeezed harder for a second before registering. He skittered to the stove, where in fact the plastic spatula he had left resting in the hissing pan had, unsurprisingly, melted somewhat around the handle. "Ahh shit—no, it looks okay. It's just a little dented." He pulled it out to show Tai, thin strings of liquid plastic stretching and breaking. There was a blistered chunk missing from the middle of the handle.

"It got in the food, didn't it?"

He had to look. "Not a lot."

"It smells like…burning plastic."

"What did you expect?"

"I like my food to smell like food."

Matt ignored him, setting about retrieving dishware. He had the same demeanor with small chores that he did with cooking—fast, efficient, and sloppy. The stack of plates amazingly didn't break as he dropped them from an inch off the table, and he at least bothered to wipe off the mass of lunch debris he missed getting onto them.

"TK, food!"

"I ate!"

"Half a Popsicle isn't lunch!"

"Okay!"

Tai shoveled a forkful into his mouth and chewed slowly while trying to turn off his tongue.

"So, no grabbing your face, but tell me what happened."

"Why does it interest you so much?"

"If you shut your mouth about something, I know it's gonna be interesting." He strangely seemed to be enjoying his own cooking. TK wandered in, rubbing his eye, the post-nap fatigue apparently having settled on him. He free-shot the washcloth into the sink and plopped down in one of the empty chairs on his coccyx, glaring down at his meal. He had been living with his brother and dad long enough to understand not to get his hopes up about homemade food.

"Tai's keeping secrets?"

"Don't worry about it, TK."

"_You_ don't worry about it, Matt."

"There's something hard in my food."

"You just came from Sora's, didn't you? You didn't…"

"Huh? _No! God _no!"

TK was sucking on his fork, wide eyes flicking from Matt to Tai with the turns of the conversation.

"So if I called Sora…"

"She wouldn't tell you anything either. Seriously, let it go. I'll tell you when I feel like it."

"Fine. I think this needs salt. You guys want salt?"

"Yes!"

.

--

The first raindrops were falling as Matt and Tai positioned themselves on the couch. Tai had believed it would be comfortable to lie with his legs over the back and his back on the seat, looking at the screen upside-down, and while it was, he couldn't play the game with the controls reversed—however, Matt had watched him warily as he had shimmied himself there, and he couldn't allow him to see his plans fail so miserably. So he instead allowed Matt to believe he adored steering his car off the track and into the gaping pits.

"You're not very good at this."

"I _adore_ falling into pits."

"All of the computers have lapped you."

"It's not whether you win or lose—"

"Shh."

He did. Just over the sound of the rain, he could hear the sound of a siren from miles away—not the whooping police sirens, but a slow, creepy one.

"Is that the tornado siren?"

"Hurricane."

"How do you know the difference?'

Matt found the remote, switching the TV onto the local news channel.

"Hey, you made me fall into a pit."

The screen was solid blue, with blocky, white letters spelling out "HURRICANE WARNING" above a ticker listing areas in danger. Theirs passed.

"I hope my dad can get home before it hits…"

"It's just a warning." Tai yawned. "We get these every summer."

"Yeah, I guess." He distractedly switched it back to the video channel before turning over his shoulder to shout in the direction of the bedrooms. "_TK! There's a hurricane warning!_"

"_Great!_"

When Matt turned back, he was scowling. Tai wasn't especially concerned. While he knew that TK and Matt were freakishly in love, much like he knew water was wet and air was dry, unless there was water in it, he also knew that they weren't quite accustomed to living with one another yet. Fighting for survival in the digital world together was one thing—cleaning up after each other and sharing a toilet was another. Just for that summer, it had been decided Matt and TK would live together, alternating between their mom's and dad's every two weeks. Matt had told Tai quietly that their dad had been forced into action when he mistakenly told a new coworker he had one son, only realizing the mistake he'd made much later.

The phone rang after a while. Matt hopped over the back of the couch to get it, which Tai didn't want to admit he found incredibly graceful. He wandered like a girl while he had a short conversation.

"My dad's staying with a friend near the station." He put the phone back in its cradle. "Apparently a bunch of roads are flooded. Maybe you should stay; call your mom before the phones die." When he sat back down, he was closer.

"Oh, it's that bad?" He threw down the controller without pausing to scamper on his hands and knees to the sliding door leading to the balcony. The sky was unusually bright blue for how dark it looked in the city—the rain was cutting in sheets parallel to the ground between the apartment and the next building over. "Shee-yit!"

"Yeah. Call."

"Yessir."

--

_Shit._

_ Shee-yit._

Matt had showered while Tai flipped through his comic books on his bed. He hadn't thought it through, really. He hadn't thought about when Matt came back, and he was in just a towel and wet, or about how only guys lived in the apartment, so they would have the short towels that only cover your waist instead of the kind long enough for girls to cover all their parts with.

"Sorry, hope I didn't take too long."

"Nooo…" He breathed too much.

Matt held the towel with one arm as he dug through his drawer. His arms had light muscle tone, just little shallow hills below his shoulder, pecs rising barely above his ribcage rising barely above his stomach, hip bones and a soft bump below his belly button, curved calves and flat feet. He found a pair of boxer shorts, and did the most amazing thing Tai had ever seen—holding the towel in the one hand still, he stepped into them, pulled them up over one hip under the towel, and dropped it. He saw fuzz and the side of his ass before he hiked up the other. He got a small crease under his ribs as he bent to find more clothes.

"I should tell you what I told Sora."

"Wh—oh! Yeah, do that." He'd found a black T-shirt, and wriggled his way into it. "Real quick, do you want to borrow something to sleep in?"

"Um…no, I can just sleep in my shorts and shirt. Anyway. I don't want you to freak out."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"No matter what?"

"Tai."

"Okay. Don't sit here, sit over there."

He lifted himself obediently off the bed to sit cross-legged on the floor. "This is big, huh?"

"I only told Sora first because I've known her longest. I'm going to tell everyone eventually. Oh, I told Kari first-est."

"Tai, come on!"

"Okay, it's really not a big deal at all, it doesn't change anything—okay, okay!" He decided to do it like a band-aid. "I like guys."

Matt stared at him blankly for a second, his lips just slightly open with his teeth closed. And then his eyebrows slowly rose, his face gradually glowing red. Tai couldn't quite read it. "You're _gay_?"

"Well, yeah. You said you wouldn't freak out."

"I'm not! It's—it's just a little—surprising—is all—for how long?" He was leaning forward. His face had stopped changing color, simply because it could not get any redder.

"What do you mean, how long? How long have you been straight?"

Matt looked at the ground, which was puzzling.

"It doesn't matter at all—I mean, nothing's gonna change—well, I'm not gonna change—you don't have to act any different—" Telling girls he was not likely to have sex with them was different than telling guys he may or may not possibly desire to have sex with them at some point in the future. Especially when he already sort of—

Umm.

"I'm not going to, I just mean—I didn't expect that. At all."

"Yeah, well."

Awkward silence. He didn't know where to put his eyes.

"So like…who?"

"Who?"

"Who are you gay for?"

"I'm gay for me." Another awkward silence. "I—I don't mean like _that_—I'm just gay, I like guys in general—I mean, I don't like _all_ guys, I j—"

"Yeah, I get it. But you don't like anyone?" He cocked his head. It was pretty cute. He was back to his original, slightly pale color, and looking at him, he might've just asked if Tai liked coke or pepsi.

"It's a bit fast to start talking about that."

"For you or for me? Because I'm over it."

"No way."

He nodded. "Come on. You've got to like someone, or else what's the point in coming out?"

That was actually just such a ridiculous deduction that Tai was stunned into silence, and then had to grapple for the proper reaction to express how preposterously disconnected the two thoughts were, but Matt took his silence differently.

He transitioned from Indian-style position on the floor to leaping-like-a-tiger-to-tackle-Tai position the way someone might've gone between the standing position and the falling position, catching him completely off guard so that rather than reacting with his arms thrust forward to push him back, he only jerked his elbows slightly, and within less than a second was on his back on the bed with Matt's hands on either side of his shoulders.

"Tell me!"

"Why do you have to know everything all of a sudden!?"

"Why are you so secretive all of a sudden!?"

Thunder cracked. The interior of the house shivered, making the both of them freeze for a second while the sound rolled over them. It lasted for nearly ten seconds before there was a soft click, and the lights went out.

"Power went out."

"Thanks, Tai."

It was too dark to horse around. They had a brief time out while their eyes adjusted, Matt tainting it by whispering, "__—" inhaling, and whispering, "_tellmetellmetellmetellme_."

"I didn't even say there _was_ anyone yet."

"Izzy."

"No!"

"Joe."

"_No!_"

"Angemon."

"What."

Matt sat down. It was still too dark to see, so Tai couldn't quite tell if he was sitting down in the spot most directly under him because he legs were getting tired, or purposely placing his ass on his crotch and straddling him.

"Older or younger?"

"No."

"Same age?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Play soccer with him?"

"I'm just going to keep saying no. Get off me."

"Your age, doesn't play soccer—"

"Will you listen to me!? I'm not playing around here!"

"What's that? Are you pointing at me?" Matt ground his butt down onto Tai's hopelessly hard dick. Although it wasn't the reaction he'd feared, it wasn't one he wanted, either.

"Stop it, Matt! I mean it! Get off!"

"You sure?" Waves of pressure and ecstasy flowed slowly speedily from their points of contact outward. He felt like if someone cut his forehead, it'd spurt blood for half a mile.

"What _the fuck_ are you trying do!?" He wanted to scream something about doing him or not, but if not, getting the _hell_ off his god damned disco stick so he could go jack off until he burst into flames, but he figured that might be in bad taste.

Matt clapped a hand loosely over his mouth, more for effect than to actually forcibly shut him up. "Don't wake up TK."

Tai lay limp for a moment, his mind having rolled over from the sheer amount of stress, panic, rage, and boner, into a mildly depressed state of apathy. Matt waited patiently for something fun to happen.

He was rewarded when Tai snapped back to life, head-butting him, which worked out in dazing Matt enough that he staggered back, landing in a pile of vertigo over the edge of the mattress, but at the same time did not quite work out, in that his own skull might've completely opened for all he could tell. He couldn't see blood, and he couldn't seem find his head with his hand, so he tried to remain optimistic.

Lightning lit up the room briefly in sharp black on white. Once it disappeared, all he could see was a wall of sparkling light, as the thunder deafened them.

"It's right over us."

"Are you bleeding?"

"No. You?"

"I can't tell."

An open palm smacked against his knee, his stomach, and then his face. He heard Matt breathing above him as he pressed gently against various points on his head. When he sucked in breath, Matt stopped, and touched at the tender spot. "S'just a bump."

"Oh. Good."

He aimed a fist blindly into the dark. Although the ideal would've been to hit Matt in the shoulder or chest, he instead felt the thin bones and gentle slope of his throat, which made him feel guilty enough to not try again, but not enough to apologize. Matt made a small gasping noise, which at first horrified Tai into thinking he'd severely hurt him, before he recognized it as it was—a laugh.

Matt was on him again, grabbing him by the shoulders and throwing him roughly to the ground, where he jammed his knee into his stomach. Tai kicked reflexively, Matt managing to avoid most of by lifting his torso slightly, but when he refused to lower his foot from the peak of the arc, he had to do an awkward handstand over Tai and half onto the bed. He fell, obviously, back onto Tai, and Tai, obviously, shoved him off.

They lay side by side, panting. Matt was giggling almost deliriously.

"It's funny how things sometimes work out so great."

Because it was incomprehensible, Tai ignored it, and moved on. "A boner isn't permission, you fuck."

Matt ignored him in turn. Their voices could have been in different rooms, while their bodies were painfully side-by-side. The hand that'd felt for a bump on his forehead touched his belly, slid under his shirt, and rubbed at the soft pocket of fat there. He felt like a faggot as he sucked it in. He was too conscious of his shape. He wasn't fat, but he should've been thinner; he wasn't scrawny, but he should've had more muscle; he wasn't ugly, but he should've been cuter. He jerked his hips up to hump at his hand with his stomach, because he didn't quite know what else to do.

"It's me, isn't it?"

"I never said there was anyone."

The hand left.

"Yeah, yeah, it's you."

Matt sat on his legs. He was getting used to the dark—the slightest glow from the window showed a faint Matt-shaped outline on one side, enough that he could tell from more than just the shifting weight that he was leaning down into his face.

"I haven't brushed my teeth since this morning."

Tai closed the gap between their mouths, missing just a little, jerking his chin up to properly line up their lips. Matt's mouth felt weird, and soft, and wet, his teeth were straight from the front but jagged on top. He could feel knotted scars from where he'd bitten at the inside of his cheeks, and he licked along them, until Matt jammed his tongue back with his own—too deep. It tasted like milk and spit, which he wouldn't exactly want to drink a glass of, but which seemed overwhelmingly wonderful right then.

"Oh—" The motion of his mouth unlocked them. Tai was beginning to reach his frustration limit, and didn't bother to hide his glare as Matt pulled back. "We don't…we don't have to do it right now."

"Yes, we do."

"I'm just making a disclaimer here. If you want some time, I'm willing to wait—"

"_We absolutely have to do it right fucking now, Ishida_."

He laughed again. "Yessir." Tai listened to him pulling his shirt off over his head, and when felt him grab the hem of his own shirt, he lifted his arms, feeling like a little kid. Darkness suddenly became his number one complaint about the workings of life. Apparently Matt felt the same—he lay flat over him, chest on chest, and forehead on forehead. Embarrassingly, Tai was panting—he felt the Braille of his nipples, the hard ridge of his collar bone, and soft and yielding and warm of the kind he'd only felt in fights and accidents for the past few years. Matt's hands were between them. He was fingering at his button—it popped out. When he tugged down, his underwear came too, until his ass was lying vulnerably on the hardwood. Matt had a slightly awkward time getting off his own boxers without standing up, but he managed. He heard an annoyed clucking sound, and then Matt did stand—Tai was horrified at exactly _why_, until he heard the soft pad of feet and the sound of the nightstand drawer opening.

"I don't know what I have…" Rustling noises, hard objects clicking together. Tai sat up on his elbows. "Umm, oh, here we go." The squelching sound of a semi-liquid being squeezed out of a small hole. Matt hit the ground hard on his knees, dropping the soft bottle carelessly on the ground. The hand that wasn't full of whatever the other hand was full of suddenly gripped his dick fully—no teasing here—and gave a few pumps, forcing Tai to think of anything but where he was and what he was doing. If he finished now, he was sure he'd have to kill himself. The other hand was reaching between his legs and under him, and a few fingers poked into his butt.

"Hey—no."

"No?"

He gently pushed Matt back. He could almost hear Matt's lip quivering, until he caught on, and stopped scooting back, and started _leaning_ back. The shoulder under his hand shrugged, and the hand job hand grabbed his wrist so its mate could slop what Tai was pretty sure was lotion into his palm.

He used one hand to push on the back of his thigh, more for his own support than to keep it up, and with the other, he shoved four fingers into the hot interior of Matt. The muscular walls pushed at his hand, too tight for him to go further than a little bit. Matt was jerking under him.

"Too fast."

"Oh, sorry." He started over. Finger, two fingers, sliding them in and out, and three. How much was necessary? He didn't want to hurt him, but he didn't want to go to long and have to be told to get on with it. He bit his lip. Well. "Ready?"

Matt reached an arm around him to put a hand on the small of his back, manually pushing them together.

Once he was in, his only thought was to not give in too fast. It was like scratching an itch had a baby with scoring a goal in soccer, had a baby with cake, had a baby with God, had a baby with jacking off, and that baby had a baby with God again. Tai wondered if the sex was making him think this way, or if he always thought this stupidly and the sex was just making him realize.

"Okay, you can speed up."

He wanted to impress Matt, blow his mind, make him gasp and beg, somehow beat him, like it was a competition, but he had a suspicion he wasn't very good. If he was good he wouldn't be needing directions. He had no idea if his dick was a good size. He didn't know how tight it should feel. It felt fucking _euphoric_ for him, but if it wasn't good for Matt, he didn't even want to. Well. Barely even wanted to.

Matt gave a little whimper. He started to ask if that was a hurt whimper or a happy whimper, but either sounded a bit self-satisfied. He pawed at Matt's cock, trying to find a rhythm, trying to figure out if he should be doing something fancy, or just masturbating at a different angle. Matt whimpered again, so he kept doing what he was doing.

When Matt lifted his hips off the floor to buck against him, he knew he was doing all right. The confidence definitely helped. He plunged in deep, and, finally, heard Matt give a muffled cry—he'd put his own hand over his mouth—and shoot come onto his belly. Tai was doing a touchdown booty dance in his head. He made it. He came so hard Matt yelped.

There was a squelching sound when he pulled out, which he hadn't expected. He'd been aiming to pass out beside Matt, but his arms looped around his back, and he instead fell like a corpse on top of him. The jizz on his stomach squished between them, and their burning cheeks pushed together.

"That was grawesome. Awesome. Great." The tiny Tai booty dancing in his head stopped to fix him with a disgusted look.

"I love you."

It wasn't said like it was anything new, or important, because it wasn't. It went without saying that Matt and Tai loved each other, like how it went without saying that any member of the Digidestined loved any other member of the Digidestined. However, like hot soup when it snowed, it was something that was normally pretty nice that was inexpressibly wonderful when partaken in at the right time. Tai nuzzled against him in reply.

"We should, ah, we should probably get cleaned up and dressed and junk—I don't want anyone to walk in on us…in a naked jizzy pile."

"Why not?"

Matt laughed more than he should've. He sighed, heaved himself to his feet, and stood over Tai, who never wanted to leave that jizzy naked pile. The rain was still thudding down over them.

"Um…Matt? This is really stupid of me to ask, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but uh…did I do good?" He sat up.

Mysterious silence. Something was pushing against his mouth. Matt's fingers. He parted his lips slightly, again feeling like a baby, as Matt hand-fed him semen. It tasted gross, but he still sucked at it to be sure none was caught under his nails.

"There's your answer, champ. C'mon, it's gonna be hard to find your pants in the dark, I sort of threw them."

--

They had fallen asleep desperately tangled into one another. Tai hoped the afterglow would last until the afternoon, but once he left his dream and remembered the events of the day before, he realized he had wrapped his arms and legs around a pillow, and he was alone in the bed. Deciding between being warm under the blankets and being cold on Matt was more difficult than it should have been.

He found him on the couch, knees up to his chest, watching the news. Tai'd forgotten about the hurricane, or the power outage. Matt smiled vaguely at him as he sat down with their hips against each other and leaned his head on his shoulder.

"My dad's gonna be back this afternoon. A lot of the low roads are still closed, from the flooding, but they're probably going to be cleared by later today. They're not even counting it as a hurricane, it was just a really bad storm. No one died or anything. You live uphill, so you could probably get home any time you wanted, not that _I_ want you to. TK's asleep in my dad's room. You hungry?"

"Mm." He snuggled into him.

Matt didn't respond, either by saying anything or reciprocating the snuggle. Tai was concerned.

"Matt, we're…together now, right? I mean, that wasn't just a one-time…"

Apparently he sounded more pathetic than he'd meant to, because Matt snapped back, wide-eyed, waving his hands furiously in front of him. "Oh yeahyeahyeahyeah_yeah_! No, no, we're definitely together, it's just, um." He moved so that they were facing each other. "Could we…keep this between us?

Tai stared blankly.

"Look, think about it. What would your parents do if they found out?"

As usual, he heard "parents" and thought of his mom. She'd be shocked, and slowly become uncomfortable yet apathetic toward it. Not great, but not bad enough for him to want to hide it from her. And then he thought of his dad, who would likely to get drunk and beat his gay ass.

"Oh. I guess he'd kill me."

"My dad, too."

"What? Your dad's so nice."

"Yeah, but this is sort of a touchy subject. It would just be easier if we were like, secret together, alright?"

"Um…okay. I guess that's cool."

"And especially don't tell TK, alright?"

"Why not? Don't tell me it's touchy for TK, too."

"No, it's just TK's so transparent, you know? If he knows, my dad'll know in about a second, and then your dad will know and it's just a whole lot easier to keep it quiet altogether."

Tai actually did not know that TK was especially transparent, probably more opaque then Tai himself, although he figured that maybe it was a sort of brother thing. And if TK was transparent to Matt, he was likely transparent to the rest of their family, as well. He nodded agreeably. As long as Matt was happy, he could learn to be, too.

"And Mimi texted me this morning to tell me Sora told her you told Sora you were gay."

"GOD DAMNIT SORA AND MIMI."

--

"Hell-ooo, Mimi speaking!"

"Mimi! Why are you telling everyone about—about you-know!?"

"Hi Tai! Well, cuz it's just so cute!"

"How is me being gay cute?"

"How are puppies cute? It just is. Oh I have _got_ to introduce you to a few people, they'll just love you."

"Well—stop it! I want to tell people myself!"

"Why?"

"Why? Because I do, that's why! I want to be sure I tell them right!"

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen. (It's just a phrase.) It's not big deal to anyone."

"Who all have you told?"

"Izzy, Matt, Joe…well, just the boys. I assumed Kari would already know."

"_Mimi_."

"Alright, I'll stop!"

"What did everyone say?"

"Oh, you know. Izzy said it was prodigious or something, he seemed distracted, you know Izzy, Matt said I should stop talking about you behind your back, puh-lease, and Joe said more girls for him or something. Nobody understands how cute it is."

"Because it isn't cute. Stop being so condescending."

"It's not condescending, it's loving! You're like a baby brother to me, Tai—"

"I'm eighteen months older than you!"

"—And frankly, I'm surprised at you for not telling the others and me. We're a family, and families don't keep secrets like this!"

"Of course they do!"

"Not _our_ family."

"I was going to tell everyone eventually, I just got sidetracked last night."

"…_Rea_lly."

"Oh shut up, Mimi."

"Hmph. I'm sorry I tried to help you be less of a secretive jerk."

"And I'm sorry I don't fill you in on every minor thought and detail the moment it pops into my head."

"Fair enough. Tee-tee-why-el, have a nice day, love!" Click.

--

He cocked the phone back in the cradle.

"Mimi's cute. I hate her."

"She is cute, and you don't hate her."

Matt was sitting in front of the sliding glass door, watching the slow rain. The porch above them was leaking onto theirs in mini waterfalls, splashing loudly on the cement. Assumedly theirs was doing the same to the apartment below. This made up most of the sound of rain they'd been hearing. It was only sprinkling. Although the storm had passed, it was still lugubrious out.

"What time is it?"

"About one."

"And TK's still asleep? He went to bed at like, eight."

Matt sat back somewhat ponderously. He got up on his haunches, and then pushed himself into an easy jog toward the bedrooms.

Tai pressed his hands against the cold glass, feeling goose bumps spread down the backs of his arms. He, strangely, didn't miss his virginity. He didn't feel any more mature or worldly. The only change he felt was knowing that he wouldn't have to be blustered and embarrassed if someone started speaking first-hand about sex around him. He hoped Matt didn't feel as unmoved by it as he did.

Having a boyfriend—significant other—that was the disparate experience. Having _Matt_ as a boyfriend was like finding out not only Santa was real, he wanted Tai to come live with him at the North Pole. If he made out with someone else, he'd feel bad. Matt would be mad. If someone did something to him, Matt would feel like his property had been violated, instead of just his friend. Thinking about it like that excited him—being property. Matt's property. Like a pet. He wanted to be trained, have his belly rubbed as a reward, punished when he was a bad dog. He let out a stream of low giggles.

"He says—"

"_Bwah!_"

He spun around to look wide-eyed at Matt, who had pulled his shoulders back and raised his eyebrows slightly.

"…He says he feels sick. He doesn't have a fever. Hope he's alright."

"Oh, that's good—or sucks—good he doesn't have a fever, sucks he's sick. Is he asleep?" He titled his head and grinned, and Matt raised his eyebrows again. Shit shit shit.

"I like where you're going and all—" Thank _God_, "—But my dad could be home any minute."

"You said afternoon."

"And it's _after noon_."

He wanted to think of some retort, but the disappointment and rejection was damming his cerebral function. Apparently this showed, because Matt's expression softened from bemusement to that of crushing guilt. He walked toward him, knelt down beside him, and brushed the hair back from his forehead to kiss it. It made a cute "_smek_" noise and left a small wet spot Tai was in no hurry to wipe on his sleeve.

"I'm sorry, Tai, I just want to be really sure, okay? I promise, if I had my way we'd be doing it until we died of exhaustion, and as soon as we're alone, you can vent all your frustration and then some, but right now, can we just hang out?"

"You don't have to word it like all I want's sex now."

"Then you'll just watch TV with me until my dad gets home?"

He'd sandwiched Tai's hand between both of his. That, and his mild desperation to hang out with him—he was willing to allow himself that it was mild desperation and not plea bargaining—completely drained him of all emotions but muted serenity.

"Yeah—'course."

"You're the best."

"I love you."

"I know."

"…"

"I love you too, duh."

--

Kari grilled him over his distracted behavior until dinner, when their parents pestered her about scratches on her arms until she admitted to attempting to make friends with a stray cat, and then pestered her for that. Tai texted under the table.

At six-fifteen, he sent a poorly spelled message to Matt, asking what he was doing.

At six-twenty-six, he got one back, which started out saying it was TK answering, and Matt was asleep.

He sent one back instantly asking why TK was reading Matt's texts.

TK responded, he liked spying on him.

Tai felt mixed concern for Matt, Matt and himself, and TK for that one.

He texted TK's phone, to start the conversation over, asking him what he was doing.

"Texting you."

"That's it?"

"Yup. You?"

"Same, I guess."

"Lol, you're not so good by yourself, are you?"

"You're doing the same!"

"Nothing I'd rather be doing. :)"

"Oh yeah right."

"You only ever talk to M anymore."

"Do not."

"You probably talk to everyone else, just not me. Why?"

"I hadn't noticed."

"It's cuz you like M better. So you come over and ignore me for him."

He didn't know what to say to that, either. Saying he didn't like Matt better would be a pretty pathetic lie, but the truth—he honestly hadn't noticed, though looking back he did now, he was completely ashamed of himself and could not be more sorry, and he'd never go three days without hugging TK again—sounded like a lie, too.

"You're right, I'm sorry, we should hang out soon, just you and me."

"I'd have to get you way from M then, wouldn't I? :) It's not just you."

"Promise, soon as possible."

"K, whatever. g2g."

It was weird that he could feel on top of the world one day and like a piece of complete shit the next.


	2. Tai Gets Sexed

His first week of being Matt's boyfriend was uncannily like every week he'd spent as Matt's best friend.

Finally, on the Saturday after what he had started thinking of as The Sunday, his parents left for the day—carpet shopping and then dinner or something, he didn't care—and told him to watch Kari. He then commanded Kari to go to the movies or something with TK or someone, he didn't care, and a few bucks later, she was cheerfully on her way to Matt's house, bearing the message that he should come over, if he wanted, or not, if he didn't, either way, just that he should know Tai was home and was probably going to be bored and, well—"just tell him I said hi."

He played with his hair. He watched TV. He tried to find out what it was that smelled in his room, which was becoming quite a project as time went on, and he played with his hair again.

Finally, annoyed with himself, he texted Matt, asking him if he was coming. He wished there was a way to vocalize his nonchalance with written words, but calling in and of itself showed more enthusiasm than he was willing to admit to possessing.

Matt texted back he was about a block away.

Well, shit. Tai wished he had drugs so he could take them and calm down a little bit.

When the doorbell rang, he snapped to his feet and waited outside the door for the second ring. It took a while, but finally he heard Matt hesitantly poke into it again, and he jerked it open.

"Hi!"

Matt looked effulgent, open-mouthed under the one living bulb of the hallway, clean and healthy, like he'd crawled out of the layer of skin he'd been walking around in to be reborn just that morning as soft and new as a baby, but in his better, older shape—like, in quite an embarrassing thought to Tai, an angel. Or something.

"Hi." He replied, scooting in sheepishly. The lighting was better inside the apartment, and the phosphoresce of him dimmed, but the image was burned into Tai's mind as his default appearance, like the picture that came up on his phone when he called.

"Sorry for texting you so much, I, mm—"

"It's fine! I'm sorry it took me a whole week to see you again!"

"Um, my parents are going to be gone until tonight, and if we get TK and Kari to keep each other busy all day, that gives us about seven hours…" He windmilled as he said it, unsure of what to do with his hands. Finally he settled on gripping the hem of his shirt and tugging at it, then pulling it up to show a half-moon of belly. His shorts hung loosely over his hips.

"No need to be so subtle." Matt laughed, and stepped into him, pushing their groins and foreheads together. Up close he could see the hundreds of different colored dots that made up his irises—mostly ceruleans and periwinkles and blue jay slashes, with speckles of greys and a halo of tan. He was holding his ass, squeezing it. When he stepped forward, Tai had to fumble back, until he hit the couch and sat down, with Matt kneeling over him.

He tried not to show it, but Matt really had a death-grip on his butt. Finally he winced, jerked his chin toward his chest, and Matt let go.

"Sorry. It's too cute."

"It's okay!"

He settled down on his lap and pulled Tai's shirt up off over his head again. He adored being undressed. It only took twice to figure that out. He wanted Matt to say something else wonderful, but he seemed busy. He'd pushed his head against the back of the couch with one hand, was holding his waist with the other, and had ducked his head down to suck at Tai's tit.

Tai had never really thought about the responses of that area. He knew when he was cold or scared, his balls drew up against him, when he was horny, his dick stiffened and lifted and flushed, but he'd never consciously made note of what exactly made his nipples do whatever they did. Right now they'd perked up, grown sensitive, he imagined to better fit into Matt's mouth. He wouldn't have thought it would feel much better than having his finger sucked or something, but it did. He gave a hard upward lick, like a cat cleaning itself, and Tai squeaked.

"You like that?"

"Mm-hmmm!"

He bit down, which hurt in the best way something could hurt, and then pulled back. "Okay, my turn."

Matt slid off Tai's lap and onto the couch, sitting on it sideways with his knees up to his chest. Delightedly, Tai wiggled toward him and lifted his shirt, but Matt pushed down on the crown of his head, forcing his face down between his legs. When he pushed back, Matt lifted his hands to either side of his own face, to show he had no weapon, presumably, concerned.

"I wasn't gonna _make_ you—"

"I can't blow you through your pants." He laughed at Matt's relieved expression as he unzipped him and tugged his jeans down just below his hips. All of his skin was the same color—he wondered how Matt was so pale. Tai, he was all different colors—the areas that were revealed when he was fully dressed, those that showed in trunks, and whitish parts of him that had basically never seen the sun. Matt's dick was definitely bigger. Not by a huge amount—in fact, Tai thought, Matt was an inch or two taller than him, anyway—maybe that accommodated for the difference. Probably not.

He opened his mouth into a wide "o", the corners of his lips burning slightly, and fit it down over his cock. It went in past his teeth relatively easy, bumped against the roof of his mouth, and he wiggled to get it into his throat.

He gagged. Gobs of drool rolled down Matt's dick and to the couch.

"You don't have to go all the way—"

He started to talk, which was incredibly stupid. He pulled out halfway, closed his lips around it, and ran the head from just behind his teeth to just before his gag-limit, in and out like he'd seen in porn. He liked that it was Matt's, and it was in him, but he wasn't crazy about the taste of penis. After a certain amount of repetition, when Matt was probably as hard as he was going to get, he managed it back out of his mouth, licked at the shaft a few times, and grinned up at him.

"Can we go?"

He was wrong—Matt was all one color, unless he was red. It was a bit adorable. He seemed distracted. His eyes ticked over his shoulder before sticking firmly back on his face. "What?"

"Uh…can I…put it in you?"

"No. I'm putting it in you."

"Oh." He made no real attempt to hide his distaste at this idea.

"You'll like it more than you think. Have you ever had anything up there?"

"This is kind of a gross conversation."

"You just put my penis in your throat."

"If it's so great then why don't you just let me do you again?"

"Will you just trust me?"

Tai grumbled, but heaved himself up off the couch to go in search of lubricants.

He heard Matt singing as he wandered to the bathroom, destructively rummaging through the medicine cabinet over the sink. Matt had a nice voice. Not the kind that if he sang, it seemed like he was making a big deal about it—a conversational singing voice, sort of. Nice to hear without requiring commenting upon. There was a big jar of Vaseline with a picture of a cow's udder on it behind an old prescription bottle. He knocked the bottle into the sink and cheerfully danced back to the living room, hiking up his shorts with one hand. He shook it to show it off, and Matt smiled.

"Be careful."

He put his shoulders on the arm of the couch, head cocked, gazing expectantly at Matt. He obediently pulled off his shorts, then his underwear, and then finished off undressing himself, then mashed his mouth onto Tai's.

He took the jar from Tai, uncapped it, and dug two fingers into the skin of it. Then he shoved him by the shoulder off of the couch. Not hard—Tai put his hands out and stopped his face from slamming into the ground, before fully landing on his knees. He looked up from that position, fixing an unrepentant Matt with a confused glare.

"What'd you do that for?"

"What if we got something on the couch?"

"Yeah, but you didn't have to push me."

"Here on out, you're my bitch." He laughed, and Tai's feelings on this fought it out through his head—he sort of liked being Matt's bitch, but he sort of felt that Matt should be nicer about it, but being nicer about it would mean he wasn't really all that much his bitch, but if he really loved him that much he wouldn't want to hurt him, but he sort of wanted him to hurt him a _little_ and oh that hurt a little.

Matt was sitting on the small of his back, biting down hard on the ridge of his ear. Tai whimpered, and he let him go, got up on his knees, and slid the two Vaseline-coated fingers up into his ass. At first, disappointingly, it felt like two fingers up his ass. Then he pushed in farther, and it sort of felt cool—cool, not great. Then he got in a third and he hoped he would put in a fourth. He went in and out a few times.

"Does that feel slick and stuff?"

"Little more?" He was panting again.

Matt went all the way out. He wiggled his hips a little. When he went back in, he started out with three, and had a lot more Vaseline. He started to hump back in rhythm with his hand, trying to steer it in toward a point he could feel throbbing for it.

"Haha, hold on—" Out again, and some repositioning, and Matt slid his hand under his stomach to lift him back onto his knees, making an upside-down checkmark, like a cat in heat. He kept his hand there, pushing a bit hard into the softness of his belly, as he carefully directed himself into Tai. It fit better than he would've thought, as far as friction went—probably all the lube—but certainly felt bigger than it had looked. At first Matt only got in a little, made an agitated sound, and pushed hard. It sunk in halfway. Tai snorted unattractively.

"You got a tight ass."

He laughed, though he was being split in half.

"Does that hurt?"

_Yes, horribly, but don't stop yet. _"Nope!"

"Okay, here we go..."

He made a small grunt as he jammed his hips forward, burying himself nearly all the way into Tai.

He snapped his hands over his mouth to cover the little scream that burst out of him. Matt tried to pull out quickly, which only hurt more, and then slowly and carefully maneuvered his cock out, backpedaled on his knees, and stared.

"Not enough lube?"

"_Too much dick_."

"Did I…rip anything? Or something?"

"How'm I supposed to know!?"

"Don't be mad, don't be mad—" He moved forward again, obviously unsure of what to do.

"I'm not mad, just…I don't know. Try slower."

"You sure?"

He nodded, got back up on his knees, and Matt got back behind him. Slowly this time, he pushed the head of his dick just inside, waited, wiggled in just slightly more, waited, and a little more. Here it felt good. He still liked putting his into Matt better, but this was nice, too. Matt humped forward another inch, and then pulled almost all back out.

"There?"

"You can try a little more."

Matt went as far as he had, pushed in just a little more, and back out. He had his hand on Tai's stomach again. He went to the same point, back out, back in.

"Kay, farther."

"Sure?"

"Sure."

He did. Tai definitely felt a point that wanted to be touched, however, getting there might hurt. They gently stretched his butt until the path was cleared.

When he got to the limit that had caused them to have to start over earlier, it felt kind of good. It took another minute, but they got past it.

Tai directed to the spot, and when he hit it, it was better than being on top—he came into Matt's palm. He wished Matt would yelp like he had the first time, though he couldn't see why he would. Matt went shortly after—it didn't have much of a place to go, and squished up out of him, which was sort of gross and sort of neat.

Tai rolled over to look up at Matt. He was licking the jizz off his hand, running his tongue between his fingers.

"You actually like that?"

"I like yours."

Which didn't make a lot of sense, but made Tai happy.

Tai rubbed off the back of his legs with his hand before standing, leaving Matt in the living room to find his phone in his bedroom. He texted Kari to tell her to tell her to stay out with TK for a few more hours, spent a few minutes bartering her down from twenty to ten dollars for doing so, and when he came back, Matt was asleep, curled up like a shrimp. Tai made sure he was clean, if a bit sweaty, found a blanket, cuddled up behind him, and fell into a dreamless catnap.

--

The sound of the first bite into his apple was apparently loud enough to wake Matt up. He pushed himself groggily up off from his stomach, onto his knees, and looked around, until he saw Tai sitting on the kitchen counter, legs crossed over his crotch, wearing a girl's sailor uniform.

They looked at one another for a while, both feeling it was the others' turn to explain.

Matt started, though he didn't really explain what Tai had been hoping for him to. "You're wearing a school girl uniform."

"Yep."

He took another bite from his apple, figuring he might as well have something to do while Matt thought this over.

"Where'd you get it?"

"Mimi bought it for me, as an apology for telling everyone. I couldn't tell if I should be mad, because she's treating me like such a stereotype, or grateful, because I actually do look really good in it. I think. …I acted grateful, because she was just trying to be nice. Or have a new doll to play with. Either way."

Matt was blinking rapidly.

"Do you want me to take it off?"

"Well, _eventually_."

He laughed. "I have no idea what she thought I'd do with it, she doesn't know I have a boyfriend." He watched for Matt's reaction, and, receiving none, pushed on. "She made me model it for her. I hope that doesn't count as cheating. Come to think of it, she definitely just wanted a new doll."

Matt made a senile-sounding grunt as he pushed himself up to his feet, twisted his back to crack it in both directions, and rooted around the blanket to find his shorts, which he then stepped into. "M'hungry."

"Go ahead." Tai gestured to the fridge with his apple.

Matt stared dopily into the fridge for several minutes, opened the crisper drawers, looked behind things, peered into the freezer, and dug around the cabinets, before settling on a peanut butter sandwich. He left his knife, the bread, and the jar on the counter as he sat beside Tai; devouring his sandwich with ferocity Tai had never seen him direct at food.

When he finished, he entertained himself by sticking his finger into the peanut butter jar and letting Tai lick it off, until Tai remembered he hadn't washed his hands since having them inside his asshole. They scooped the rest of it down the sink so no one would wonder why they'd thrown out a full jar. He weirdly felt indifferent toward eating butt-flavored peanut butter.

They shared a bottle of Gatorade, comparing the graphics between games, Tai yawning uncontrollably—"I yawned once, and then I keep thinking about yawning, so I keep yawning, but I can't stop thinking about it."—until Matt announced he had to pee, and went to do so, while Tai cleaned up the kitchen. He regretted allowing himself to become the submissive one so quickly, though not very deeply.

Matt snuck up behind him and put his mouth on his ear. Tai winced reflexively, but he put his lips on it, rather than his teeth, and that was nice. He put his hand up his skirt, flipping it up, and asked around his ear, "Did Mimi get you the panties, too?"

"Weirdly, yeah."

His tone changed; he hadn't expected that so much. "Okay, that sort of counts as cheating."

"Really?"

"No." He poked his tongue into his ear canal.

They did it with Tai bent over the counter, skirt up, took a break lying on the couch, and then Matt tried his best to hold Tai up against the wall with his ankles wrapped over the small of his back, though lost it halfway through and dropped him, bruising his coccyx, and finished up with him lying on his back—Matt faster than Tai, so he sucked him until he shot cum into the back of his throat. He then spit it onto Tai's face, which was a bit mean. Tai sulked until Matt had complimented him enough, and they fell asleep again, this time in Tai's bed, with his neck resting in Matt's armpit and his head in his shoulder.

Tai slept through his phone ringing, so Matt answered for him.

"Cutie?"

"Mmm."

"Sweetie?"

"_Mmmph_."

"Tai get the fuck up."

He pulled the pillow off of his head as resentfully as possible. Matt was sitting on the edge of his mattress.

"Kari's on her way home. You should put on some pants or something. I did a once-over of the apartment, everything looks okay. I put your, uh, clothes in the bottom of the drawer with all the jeans in it. I'm gonna head out, alright?"

He blinked blearily, trying to pull his attention-deficient light-sleep dream apart from reality. Matt kissed his forehead, put his boxers over his face, so that he couldn't ignore them and go back to sleep, and left, closing the door behind him.

--

The next morning Tai discovered why it is best to take it easy the first time. The most annoying part was that he couldn't ask his mom the best remedy for a severely abused butt without a lot of uncomfortable questioning—the most annoying part, after Kari's smug sniggering. He hated having a bright sister.

Haha, bright.


	3. Tai Gets a Footjob

It was just hard enough to find time together. A little less than once a week, they managed something or other—about half the time full-out sex. Matt was willing to be quick and quiet with Kari in another room, but TK being anywhere within the structure was out of the question. They discovered a few tricks—taking the "being cleaned" signs from in front of bathrooms and putting them in front of unoccupied ones kept people from interrupting, and at certain times, certain subway cars could almost be guaranteed to be abandoned for ten- or fifteen-minute rides. It was sleazy and dirty and unquestionably hot.

At first, the distance between Tai's apartment and Matt's mom's was a mild annoyance; as time went on, it became troublesome enough to pose arguments over who would be the one to do the traveling. By his third trip there, they would typically just text back and forth and meet up somewhere during the middle weekend.

It was pretty okay.

--

Tai was playing his gameboy in the dark. It was raining, not hard, just enough to make pretty noises and make the night feel ethereal and lonely, like the beginning of a movie, despite the fact that he had a persistence itch in his balls, which he was unabashedly digging at.

He heard a tapping somewhere in the main area of the apartment, outside his door. Figuring it was the house settling, or pipes, or something inconsequential like that, he ignored it, until it started in at a pattern—taptaptap tap tap tap taptaptap, repeat—annoyingly, he recognized SOS.

It didn't go away, even after he tried as hard as he possibly could to ignore it, and finally, he hefted himself to his feet, and padded quietly across the apartment in his socks.

Matt was kneeling in the hallway outside of his door. He smelled like beer and sweat, and was grinning, despite being soaked and filthy.

"Hey sweetie. You drunk?"

"Mm-hm!"

"You really, _really_ drunk?"

"Yepper!"

"Okay, why don't I get you a jacket, and we can walk you home?"

"I came to see you!" He threw his arms out, like he expected Tai to pick him up.

"And I'm flattered. Sit right there, okay? Be really really quiet." He pressed a finger to his lips before disappearing back into his apartment. He walked as fast as he could, tugged the topmost pair of jeans in his drawer, and completely emptied his shirt drawer to find a hoodie buried in the bottom. When he returned, Matt was standing in the hallway, shaking his hips.

He needed a lot of assistance getting the sweatshirt over his head, and quite a few reminders to not laugh quite so loud. He held Tai's hand, which Tai also needed to remind him was a bad idea, until he slipped on the stairs and fell on his ass, and the necessity of hand-holding was highlighted for him.

Luckily, it was around three in the morning, and not much of anybody was out—nobody that particularly cared about two teenage boys holding hands.

"How come you're so drunk?"

"I drank a lot."

"Who gave you all that?"

"All that what?"

"Booze."

"Oh!" He shrugged. "People."

"What people?"

"Um, this…guy, and then this other guy, and their friends…"

"What're their names?" 

"You don't know them."

"Try me."

"John, John, and their friends, John and John."

"Not sure I believe that one, baby."

"I ain't a baby."

"You _my_ baby."

"I ain't your baby and I ain't my mama's baby and I ain't God's baby. I ain't no one's baby. I'm something-fucking-teen. I'm your man."

"You're not a man. Why'd these Johns give you so much to drink?"

Matt laughed. Tai caught up to the "John" joke and rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter." He then began to sing "Que Sera Sera", and Tai, sensing the hopelessness of the conversation, enjoyed it as best he could.

Matt obediently gave up his house key to let Tai maneuver it in, mimicked his shushing, and let himself be guided by the shoulders through the dark apartment and to his room.

He sat on the bed and let Tai take off his shoes, jeans, and hoodie, let Tai tuck him in, and then untucked himself to sit back up with his trash can between his knees, which he then unloaded himself into. He let Tai wipe off his mouth with his hand, and whimpered childishly as he left.

"I'm just going to wash my hands." He flashed his puke-smeared palm at him, and Matt nodded vigorously.

When he returned, he was laying on the very edge of the bed, breathing slowly, but with his eyes open. He gestured to the inner side of the bed.

"I really shouldn't spend the night. If your dad came in or something—"

"I didn't say fuck me, I just want you to stay with me for a little."

"I didn't tell anyone I left—"

"Can't you send them a voice mail? Say I broke up with my girlfriend and needed comforting. Like a woman."

"You just sang the same four lines of Que Sera Sera over and over for forty minutes, and now all of a sudden you're Mr. Logical?"

"I wanted to sing those four lines, and I want you to stay with me." His eyes were massive, dark blue, and desperate. Tai stood with his hands on his hips in the entryway, before sighing, pulling his phone out of his pocket, and leaving the quietest message he could on his mom's phone. He knew he would get in trouble anyway, for the two minutes she'd freak out before checking, but staying out of trouble wasn't high up on his list right then.

He stepped out of his pants, Matt eying him shamelessly, and crawled over him to settle against the wall, so as not to put any farther gap than absolutely necessary between his drunken boyfriend and his trashcan.

The night was finally beginning to feel over when Matt started licking his jaw. He pushed him back, but Matt was stronger, and positioned himself on top of him, straddling his stomach, holding his wrists down on either side of his head.

At first, he thought he was just making an attempt to rile him up enough to give in, but after a while of simply sitting on him, holding him down, he cocked his head ponderously. Tai gave a feeble struggle, more trying to convey that he wanted him off of him then actually push him off, which Matt seemingly ignored. He reached down to tug off his shorts, and Tai used his freed hand to grab onto his balls and squeeze.

Matt gasped and rolled off him, back onto his own side of the bed—he misjudged the distance. Tai watched in horror as he disappeared from view and hit the ground, hard, obviously on something bony. It was quite a bit louder than it really should have been, but Tai had learned that God went to great lengths to ruin his life.

Down the hall, there was a cough, bedsprings creaking, and silence.

Matt then hiccupped, loudly, grabbed for the trashcan, and retched.

Tai shot to his feet, and Matt amazingly managed to snatch his wrist mid-step.

"I'm so so so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm drunk I love you I love you don't be mad I didn't mean to, never ever do it again—" More bed springs creaking, a sleeping grunt, and footsteps. "Go hide. Love you love you—"

Tai smiled stupidly and ran out of the room on his toes. The only room that didn't require passing Matt's dad's was TK's—he scampered in and pulled the door as shut as he could without noisily latching it.

It was really still Matt's dad's office, just with a futon in the corner for TK to sleep on, after it became apparent that having him sleep nightly on the couch didn't work for much of anyone. He was, amazingly, bright-eyed and bushy tailed and bed-headed, lying on his back with his legs straight up over him, watching Tai upside down. He grinned, pressed his finger to his mouth yet again, and threw himself into the open closet, where he adjusted himself to a seating position, knees up against his chest.

Alarmingly, TK threw off his blanket and went to go stand in front of him. Tai tried to plead with his eyes, convey love, adoration, servitude, the fact that he would kick the shit out of him if he ratted him out, bribery, pleading again. TK smiled and rested his toes on Tai's crotch.

Oh.

Matt and his dad were having a conversation. Matt puked again. It sounded like it hurt.

TK was rubbing up and down. Tai grabbed his ankle, tried to push his foot away.

"DAD!?"

Tai let go. There was a pause in the sound in the next room, a few brief turns, and more footsteps.

The inside of the closet, thank the God that hated him, wasn't visible from the doorway into the room. He heard it open, while TK continued to rub his dick.

"Hey kid. How come you're still up?"

"I heard a noise. What's going on?" He pulled Tai's shorts down with his big toe and ran the arch of his foot over him. He hated it, but he was getting sort of hard.

"Your brother's got food poisoning or something. Don't worry about it. What're you doing over there?"

It was really amazing that TK managed to keep his balance perfectly while rubbing at his balls with his heel. "I was cold. There's a blanket in the back here, I saw it when I was unpacking. Could you turn down the air conditioning?"

"Sure." Tai heard him leave. TK smirked at him, while he stared up at him, open-mouthed. He was moving his toe over the hole, a tiny point of contact that felt incredibly significant.

Their dad returned. "Okay, I turned it off. Try to go back to bed, okay?"

He came quietly. Jizz went up between TK's short toes.

"Thanks, dad." The door latched.

TK bounced back to his bed, sat down, and casually contorted his toes into his mouth, fixing Tai with an expression oozing with delight.

"TK what the _fuck_—"

"I'll tell Matt."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Okay. Then I'll just tell him anyway. I'm sure he won't be mad." 

He was then stared down by a kid who was sucking on his toes.

"You should probably go. Unless you wanna hang around for a little while…"

Tai gaped at him, unable to find an opinion to express, before standing up, extracting himself from the closet, and wandering stupidly from the room.

Matt was, amazingly, asleep when he returned. He put on his pants, leaving his hoodie, and left as quietly as he could.

--

It was quiet the next day. He deleted the voice mail from his mom's phone, so no one realized he had been gone, and it wasn't incredibly uncharacteristic of him to sleep in. He woke up at ten, fell back asleep, not wanting to have to deal with coherent thought, woke up at noon, considered asphyxiating himself until he passed out, and finally dragged himself out of bed to shower.

He lay comatose on the couch while Kari picked out shows on TV, moving only to read and respond to texts with Matt.

"What was up with last night?"

"What part?"

"Who were you with?"

"I'll tell you later. Don't worry."

"Why later?"

"Trust me."

"What's up with trying to rape me?"

"What?"

"I guess you blacked it out. You tried to rape me."

"OMG! I'm so sorry! I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I hurt you."

"Good. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Anything interesting happen this morning?" He thought it was a bit too daring to ask about TK specifically.

"No. Woke up. Drank juice. Watched The Little Mermaid. You?"

"Pretty much the same."

"I love you. I'm sorry I was such an ass last night."

"Forget about it. Movie or something tomorrow?"

"No, going to an amusement park with TK. He's been complaining about never seeing me anymore."

"Cute. Day after?"

"Sure."

There wasn't really anything else to say, so he texted with Joe, who had an interesting story about corpse dissection.

--

The day after, when he'd already managed to occasionally think about things that weren't the foot job, Matt called him.

"Hi?" He was always a little excited when Matt called. He wasn't sure why, the most exciting thing he ever said was that he was home alone, but nevertheless.

"Tai! I need you to do a massive favor for me."

"What?"

"Can you just take TK to the amusement park for me? I'll pay for it and everything, and I'll owe you so hard. I promised I would but something mega fucking important came up, I'm an asshole, he's going to be so mad if I completely blow him off, but if you take him he might be okay with just putting off hanging out with me for another few days. I keep doing this. He might murder me in my sleep."

He gnawed his lip. "I—I'm not so sure."

"Tai I'll owe you _so hard_. You have to do this for me. TK _loves_ you, don't you want to see him? C'mon, why not?" 

He pulled the antennae in and out of his phone, trying to think of a reason. His moment ran too long. "Okay, okay, fine."

"Great! Awesome! You're the best! He'll meet you at the station, I'm giving him the money, um, I'll talk to you tonight?"

"Kay."

"Thanks!" The call ended. He hoped he'd been in the room with his dad, or else someone owed him a few I-love-yous.

--

TK had a murderous look on his face as Tai walked up to him on the platform.

"Hey…" He waved. TK glared more deeply. "You mad at me?"

"_No_." He was obviously mad at something.

They boarded the train. All the seats were taken, so Tai had to hold onto one of the handles. TK couldn't reach, which apparently deepened his general rage. He held onto Tai's hand, making Tai incredibly uncomfortable, and doing nothing to improve TK's mood.

It was one long ride, exceedingly silent, and then another short one, also amazingly quiet, though this time with seats, allowing TK to stare out the window as he brooded.

Walking through the parking lot, TK finally spoke up.

"You know…the point was to spend time with Matt. Not to come here."

"I know."

And that was the end of that.

It was ludicrously expensive to get in, though leaving them with plenty of extra money. Whoever had coughed up for this day really had high hopes.

He tried to excite TK with tales of deaths on the largest of the roller coasters, to no avail. He pointed out the Viking ship, and got an eye roll. TK walked to a food cart, leaving Tai to follow if he felt like it.

He ordered an ice cream cone and sat on the curb while Tai paid. He'd never seen anyone eat angrier.

Once he finished he continued to wander with Tai following. He bought a corn dog and a pickle, ate them, searched around a while, bought a chocolate-covered banana and an ear of corn, which was a weird food to even sell at a park. He began to look queasy as he put a Popsicle in his mouth.

"I'm hungry all the time now. I'm always hungry and tired. I'm getting fat, but I'm always starving."

Tai wasn't about to be the one to point out that he was only hungry for phallic-shaped things.

"My legs hurt all the time, too. I think I have cancer."

He tried to find a way to say that he was just about to hit a growth spurt, but he couldn't do it without feeling horrendously old.

"You're not as friendly as you used to be."

"You're not as sweet as you used to be."

TK shrugged, and began to blow his Popsicle. To anyone outside of the two of them, it would look like he was just trying to eat it and had unknowingly found a suggestive way to do so. Tai knew better.

"How old are you now, anyway?"

"You should probably know that. We used to be friends. Now I'm just your fuckbuddy's little brother." 

He gaped. He grappled for a response. He sagged somewhat.

"You weren't exactly subtle."

"He's not my fuckbuddy."

"Really."

"We're dating."

"'Dating' means you go on dates. Do you go on dates?"

"…No. But that's just—"

"—Because he wants to keep it secret? Why?"

"So…so our dads don't find out…"

"And that keeps you from…letting _anyone_ know you're fucking. Like your friends? Because your friends would definitely tell your dad, or beat you up, or whatever he said. Sure. How has your relationship changed since you started dating or whatever? Outside of the sex."

He was flabbergasted into silence yet again. TK threw his uneaten Popsicle carelessly onto the grass.

"Tell me now how you're _anything_ but something to put his cock in."

He couldn't.

"C'mon, bathroom." TK stood, waited for Tai to follow, and led him through the park, until they found a cement structure with the word "Restroom" emblazoned over the roof.

When they went in, there was a father holding up his son at the urinal. TK went into one of the stalls and, given the position of his feet, leaned against the wall, while they washed hands and left. He then got on his knees on the filthy floor in front of the toilet. Tai listed in mild horror as he jammed his fingers into the back of his throat, choked, and vomited, repeatedly. He came back out a few minutes later, looking pale, washed his hands, grabbed Tai by his shirt, and tugged him into the stall. He should've resisted, but he had watched Bambi's mom be shot a million times over in the past half hour, and was feeling a bit dead.

TK tugged his shorts down unceremoniously and shoved him down onto the toilet seat.

"TK, don't—"

"You can't cheat on a fuckbuddy. Hey, free sex!" He grinned brokenly. "Unless you don't want me. That's cool. I can just kill myself later."

He gaped again, then, realizing this hadn't helped him so far, sighed.

He didn't get on his knees to blow him—he just bent at the waist. Tai kept his hands at his sides. TK obviously didn't enjoy it much, or care to pretend he did—he made continual gagging sounds, at one point had to back up to cough, and stopped as soon as Tai was hard enough. He put his hands his shoulders to balance himself as he crawled onto his lap, pulled down his own pants, slid down onto Tai. He was amazed it fit. He wasn't massive, but TK was tiny, and they hadn't prepared in the least. TK might have not enjoyed this either—he winced, gasped, and had to pause to breathe.

Someone came in. Tai expected TK to be frightened, or surprised, or something, but he didn't even stop. Really it just seemed to add vigor to his efforts. He slowly raised himself up, tried to lower himself, and slipped. He fell all the way. He tried to disguise his yelp of pain as the sound one someone taking a shit. Tai really did feel for him. He was goggle-eyed, unfocused, gasping for air, shaking, altogether seemingly miserable. Whoever was peeing finished peeing, washed his hands, and left.

"Will you fucking help me!?"

"You can't get off?"

"Not like that! Hold me up." He lifted his forearms somewhat. Tai grabbed him under his armpits and lifted him. He nearly pulled him all the way off and dropped him, until he saw the tears gathering on the lip of his bottom eyelid. He was looking up to try and keep them in, but finally the weight of them was stronger than the force clinging them together—a heavy stream gushed down his cheek.

"You know you're supposed to use lube or something, right?"

"Yes. I thought it'd be alright anyway."

"It's not."

"Okay."

He did lift him up and off now, placing him gently on his feet, squeezing past him and out of the stall, holding his shorts up with his hands. When he came back, he had a handful of liquid soap, which TK regarded with the look one might expect from walking into a room holding the Holy Grail.

"Bend over."

TK did, putting his hands on the pipe that led from the back of the toilet into the wall. Tai imitated Matt as best he could, slowly getting his fingers up into him—though no matter how tight his ass had ever been, it had probably never been penetrated at this size. TK took it like a champ. When he pulled his hand back out, there was blood on it.

"You're bleeding."

"Don't care."

Fair enough.

He sat back down, and TK sat back down on him. Holding him up worked better with TK then it had with him, probably because there was maybe a ten pound difference between Matt and him, and more like fifty with TK. He tried to be gentle, but TK continually made impatient noises, which was a bit annoying and insulting, even though he knew he was only trying to show off. He really did miss being the man. Matt always talked about doing his best to make it good for Tai, but to him this meant going deeper when Tai asked him to go deeper, or slowing down when Tai asked him to slow down.

He pulled TK up and off before he came, doing so into his fist. TK grabbed his hand and opened his fingers to gaze at it in awe, turned it over to watch it run, and passed it back to him.

"Do you need help…?"

Blank stares. "Help what?"

"Coming."

"Oh, no. No." He pulled his pants up. "Looky." He pointed to Tai's dick, which had diluted bloodstains smeared down the shaft. He appeared neither concerned nor pleased by this; he just wanted to be sure Tai was aware.

"You okay?"

"Back there?"

"Yeah."

"Ahh, yeah, s'just my period." Apparently, this was a pride-worthy statement. He grinned, then pulled toilet paper from the roll, and jammed into the back of his shorts. Turning, he asked, "Am I showing?"

"Yeah."

"Fix it."

Tai slid his hand into the back of his pants to flatten down TK's makeshift pad.

"Thanks. You're a pal. I want to go home." He burst into tears.

--

TK passed out on the way home. He didn't wake up when Tai shook him, and as the door started to close, he threw him over his shoulder in a Fireman's hold and scampered out. It was easier to hold him like this than try to wake up him again. He received stares as he walked through the station and street, back to the apartment.

His dad seemed shocked when he opened the door, and Tai rushed to explain he was only asleep. It was only mid-afternoon. He directed him to TK's bedroom, and helped lower him gently to his bed. Tai had thought he'd been faking to not have to deal with him, but when they put him on his back, drool pooled in his throat and he snorted, choked, and turned over. He could have faked that, but it didn't seem likely. He gave up the extra money. When he raised his eyebrows at the few ones he got back from the wad he'd given up, Tai shrugged and started to explain the preposterous amount of food TK'd eaten, then purged, but gave up halfway. He'd rather their dad think he was a thief then let him onto any part of the weird story.

On his way out, he saw the hoodie he'd lent Matt thrown over the back of the couch. He grabbed it, told his dad to tell Matt he'd taken it, thanked him for some reason, and skulked out.

When he got home, he inhaled the cloth deeply. It'd soaked up Matt smell. He put it over his head and breathed. His mom was asleep, and Kari was gone. His mom took sleeping pills. He went into their bathroom, found the bottle on the sink, picked out one of the tiny white chips, and swallowed it. The bottle said to take one. He swallowed another. He poured out a small handful, stared at it, put it back, and went to bed.


	4. Tai Gets Leghumped

He had inane, disturbing dreams for the next seventeen hours.

When he finally realized he was awake and alive, he rolled over, wiggled half out of bed to grab his phone from the floor, crawled back under the blankets, and texted by the light of the screen.

"Hey Matt, Sup? You still wanna hang out today?"

"No, sorry. Shitty day yesterday. Feel like crap. Maybe tomorrow."

"Aw, what happened? You never did tell me what you had to do that was so important."

"Don't wanna talk about it. Maybe another time. Thanks for covering for me. TK's sick again."

"Does it have anything to do with a few nights ago?"

Matt didn't respond, so he tried TK.

"Hey buddy. How you doing?"

"What do you want?"

No point in insulting his intelligence. "Do you know what's up with Matt lately?"

"What, like about the guy he's been spending so much time with?"

"What guy?"

"Tall, maybe nineteen, cute, wears a lot of yellow?"

"Spending time how?"

"He just stops off here to get him and they go places for a few hours and come back. I don't know. I was assuming he was getting some on the side, like you."

Tai seethed for a few minutes before replying. "Seriously, how are you?"

"SPECTACULAR. :)"

"I don't want everything to get messed up between us."

"For something to get messed up, there would need to be a something in the first place."

He was the one to end this conversation, by throwing his phone against the wall. He wanted it to shatter, or the wall to dent, but it just clattered harmlessly to the rug. He pulled the blanket back over his head and daydreamed as best he could.

Around a half an hour later, a hand began to nudge at his shoulder. He pretended to be asleep, until it became apparent that the nudger wasn't about to be fooled. When he poked his eye out from under the blanket, Kari smiled.

"Hi sleepyhead. Mom told me to make sure you're not dead. It's hard to tell these days!"

"I'm alive, and I'm going back to sleep." He rolled back over.

"You wanna talk about it?" 

"Talk about what?"

"Your relationship problems."

"Who said I had a relationship?"

"Tai, _everyone_ knows. Well. TK and I both know, and maybe Sora. Not Mimi or Joe or Izzy. It's really depressing everyone, for some reason. I think Sora had a crush on Matt, and TK just doesn't like to share him."

"Nice to know nobody cares about _me_." He said this directly into his pillow.

"We all care about you! I don't like to share you either, but whatever makes you happy, makes me happy!"

"That's bull."

"It's really lucrative for me."

"You're really a great sister, you know?"

The mattress whined as she jumped up and down on her knees, rolling him into the crack between the bed and the wall. He made a displeased noise and pushed himself up to a seated posture, glaring.

"Well, you ever want to talk, or cry or something, I'm totally up for listening to anything, okay? Even if you're the bad guy, I'm rooting for you." She beamed. She really underestimated him.

--

TK opened the door when he knocked. He gazed up at him with glazed eyes, gripping the door, and then silently walked back to the living room, where he sat on the couch to ignore him. He was watching the Hunting and Fishing channel. Tai watched as a poorly filmed deer had its shoulder liquefied, staggered, and fell to its knees, and he tried not to grimace.

Matt was wearing his apron, doing dishes. He smiled sadly over his shoulder as Tai walked behind him and seated himself at the table.

"You okay?"

"Hm? Oh. Yeah. You?"

"Yup."

A long, awkward pause.

"So uh, what happened the other day?"

"Oh God. Tai, can we just not talk about that? It's just stupid. I'm done with it."

"I'm just curious…TK said you'd been hanging around with some older guy…how come I haven't met him?"

Matt dried a cup with his back turned. "Why're you and TK talking about me?"

"Well…you didn't seem to feel like talking about it…and you never told me to _not_ ask TK or anything…"

"I thought it was a given that you shouldn't use other to people to spy on me."

"Are you hiding something?"

"No. I just don't think I have to tell you about absolutely everything."

"Why not?"

"Because I have a life outside of you." He muttered something darkly.

"What? What'd you just say?"

He slammed the plate he'd been washing down on the counter to spin around. "I _said_, 'Unlike you.' Tai, we can have our own lives, you know! We don't have to be this—this—"

"DNA Digivolved?"

"…DNA Digivolved thing."

"I have a life outside of you! God, you act like wanting to be around you at all makes me obsessed with you! I'm so sorry I want to be around my fucking bo—"

Matt waved his hands at him, and pointed to where TK was sitting on the couch, doing his best to not show interest in their fight. He worked out who knew what before finishing, "best friend. And if you don't want to be my—" air quotes, "—_best friend _anymore, just tell me and we can move on!"

"I never said that." He wilted somewhat. He sighed, started to turn back to the sink, turned back, took a step, and clapped his hand to his forehead. "TK, would you mind…?"

"Leaving? Sure. Sure. I'm pretty used to being kicked out of my own house so you guys can—" air quotes, "_talk_." He slammed his feet onto the ground, leaving the TV blasting, and stomped his way to the door, throwing it shut on the way out.

Matt watched the space he'd occupied for a while, eyebrows knit. "What do you think he meant by that?"

"I think he knows. I—I'm pretty sure he knows. Kari knows. I didn't tell her, she just figured it out. Does it really matter?"

Matt continued to focus on the empty air.

"Do you want more space or what?"

"Hm? No. I was just yelling. I shouldn't keep secrets from you; this just seemed sort of insignificant and embarrassing. I mean, I figured you'd just trust me enough to assume the same, rather than think I was cheating on you, like a paranoid little bitch, but it's cool." His words didn't match his demeanor; he was fixing Tai with an apologetic glance, leaning anemically on the counter. "I tried out for a band. That guy was the lead guitarist. Everyone was a lot older than me. They made all the people take a bunch of shots, that night I—yeah—to make sure they could party or whatever, it was stupid, and then the day before yesterday was the actual audition. They liked my voice, but they said no, because I blew off this girl who tried to do me at the party, and apparently they don't want anything to do with anyone who won't do any girl at any time. So. I tried for something I really wanted, and failed, and was embarrassed. _So_ sorry. I don't want more space."

Tai stared at him scrutinizingly for a few seconds. "What, did you think I'd laugh?"

"I don't know. I just didn't want to talk about it. I'm a loner, dude. I've always been a loner. Why do you suddenly want me to be open and shit?"

Tai put his palms on either end of the saltshaker and turned it upside down and back repeatedly, to keep from having to look up. Finally, he sang, "I want to melt your icy heart with my hot lovin'."

Matt moved behind him, caught him in a chokehold, and noogied him into submission, face flat against the table. Once he shouted uncle, he planted a kiss on the crown on his head and released him.

"I'll go see if TK got too far." Tai pushed himself off from the table and cracked his knuckles nervously.

"Oh, you don't want me to?"

"Nah, nah, I got it. You finish up over there." He waved vaguely in the direction of the sink before skittering out of the kitchen, and into the hall.

TK tackled him around knee-level. He wasn't heavy enough to imbalance him, exactly, so all he managed to do was catch his calf between his legs. He then humped him like a small dog. Tai tried to lift his foot to shake him off, but he couldn't support himself on one leg, and toppled down on top of TK, who persistently continued.

"Um."

TK grabbed him by the hem of his shirt and pulled him down until he could crane his torso up to push their mouths together. His cheeks were full of air, which he pushed into Tai, for no discernible reason, and then he tackled him back down, this time humping his chest.

"I'm kinda horny."

"I can see that. Can we talk?"

"No. I know what you're going to say. The answer is no."

"TK—stop that—TK, I really, really like your brother."

"And you don't like me?"

"I do, just not…that way."

"You don't find me attractive."

"No, I do! It's just, you're a whole lot younger and Matt and I are sort of…committed—"

"Fuckbuddies."

"—And I don't—"

He finally did stop gyrating. "What you're saying is, you sort of like me, but you like Matt a whole lot better. So rather than make the both of us happy and posing a small risk of making Matt unhappy, you're definitely making me feel like a worthless piece of shit, not having sex the way I know you like, and Matt gets it his way. Again."

Staring was increasingly becoming the only reaction he could muster.

"Janitor's closet." He pointed to a nondescript door down the hall.

He didn't know what else to do.

--

"That took you a while. You run off, TK?" Matt was watching TV when they came back in, thankfully having changed the channel to baseball.

"Just went to find a bathroom. Speaking of which, got to go wash out my ass." He beamed, chest thrust out, and hopped to the bathroom. Matt raised his eyebrows at him, and once he disappeared, at Tai. Tai shrugged, sat down beside him, and cuddled himself into his armpit.

Matt gazed at him, gnawing on his lip. "Since TK already knows and all…maybe it wouldn't be _so_ bad to risk it a little…I mean, if we can be fast while he's in the shower…"

Tai thought on this. He couldn't really see an escape. TK was going to continue to force himself onto him. He still loved Matt, and Matt still loved him, and he didn't want to ruin it. He didn't want TK to think he didn't like him, and anyway, it wasn't like TK wasn't cute, although he _was_ less cute than Matt. So if he couldn't find a way out, what was the point in beating himself up over it? It was inevitable and, if he maneuvered properly, not all that bad, really.

"Tai?"

"Yes. Rad. Let's go."

He felt kind of like a Sex God.

--

Things fell back into routine. Sneaking around on sneaking around was a bit harder, though they managed. TK was still the one to initiate everything, sometimes threatening Tai into it, though when it came down to it, fooling around with TK was probably better. Kissing fell out after about three days, and there was a lot less discussion and foreplay involved, and no cuddling afterward--sort of a hump-and-run—and while all those things were enjoyable with Matt, they detracted from the meat of it. He understood why married people so often cheated with prostitutes—not having to impress anyone, just plain grabbing what you could and not having to listen to any bitching—it was wonderfully convenient.

Matt noted he was a little less clingy, meaning it as a compliment, but which Tai couldn't help but take as an insult. He liked to think Matt wanted to spend as much time with him as he wanted to spend with Matt. TK read somewhere that a few things in semen were poisonous in large doses, and spend a day giving Tai as many blowjobs as he could, until he hiccupped up white froth while watching TV, receiving raised eyebrows from Matt. Kari glared at him with some regularity, though he couldn't figure out what she'd figured out, and decided to let that ball drop. Matt and Tai got into a fight about Tai having deleted one of his save files, which evolved into a fight over Tai being careless with other people's things, which evolved into a fight over Matt being a high and mighty asshole who believed he did no wrong, which evolved into Matt chipping Tai's front tooth by smashing a ceramic bowl into his face. They didn't contact one another during Matt's subsequent two weeks at his mom's, but TK sent him a few naked pictures, so he was set. When he came home, they chose not to talk about it.

Nothing about anything was healthy, but it was sometimes pretty fun.

--

He was sleeping on his stomach in Matt's bed when someone began to poke at his head. He turned to look at TK, standing in an oversized T-shirt and hand-me-down sweats, possibly about to tell him he had a nightmare and ask if he could sleep in their bed.

"Come to my room."

"No. Why? No."

"I want you to come sleep with me. Both ways."

"I'm with Matt right now. If he wakes up and realizes I'm gone—"

"You're just _sleeping_. You won't leave sleeping with him to screw with me?" He was crying a little. Probably had been seeking refuge from a depression in Tai. "Why do you like him so much better? What's so great about him?"

He blinked stupidly. "I—uh—I don't know, TK." Giving actual reasons seemed a bit cruel.

"Come on. Come to my room. If you don't, I'll wake him up and tell him."

Tai was getting a bit sick of this. "Fine. Tell him. I dare you."

TK glared at him, and then at the ceiling, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"Do it."

"I will!"

"Then do!"

"Oh fuck you, Tai! You're a fucking pussy asshole jerk and I don't—I don't—I—buh-huh—" He buried his face in his hands, breathing quickly and deeply, and stumbled out of the room, slamming the door on the way out. Matt mumbled and turned over, but didn't wake up. Tai went back to sleep easily.

--

When he woke up the next morning, the light outside was still pale grey. He watched Matt sleep for ten creepy minutes, got up, and padded across the silent hall to TK's room. The blanket was tangled up around his legs, and he'd fetal-positioned himself around a pillow—knees to chest, pillow hugged between both his arms and his legs. Tai smiled, crouched down, and rubbed at his shoulder.

Without taking in a breath, TK shouted for Matt at the top of his lungs, sending Tai back about three feet in shock, then to his feet, slamming into the door frame, stepped back to try again, and launched himself into the living room, where he sat on the couch and shook. He listened to Matt stumble to TK's room, the cadence of their low voices, shaking exponentially the more turns the conversation took, and finally ceased all movement to melt into a coma as Matt came into the living room.

"There you are. What's you doing?" 

"Sit--I'm sitting."

He stared vaguely. Tai was beginning to relax. If TK had told him anything, he'd likely start with that. "Any interest in turning on the TV?"

"…No."

"Killer. Going back to bed."

"What was—ah—what was up with TK?"

Matt stared again. "He had a nightmare. You okay? You're all pale and shaky."

"I, uh, I feel kinda sick. I'm fine. Go back to bed. I'll watch TV."

It took him a while, but he finally worked up the apathy to ignore Tai and pursue his own interests, at his command. Tai didn't end up turning on the TV. After a few minutes, he quietly gathered his clothes from Matt's floor and went home.


	5. Matt Has a Lot of Emotions For a Guy

"TK, I don't think we should be fooling around anymore." He hoped no one ever read through his texts.

"I thought we'd been over this. No."

"Come on, you're really young. I think you should maybe see someone. Like a therapist. You seem a bit unstable pretty often."

"I'm unstable? You're cheating on your boyfriend with his baby brother, sickass."

"You're making me!"

"That's because I love you."

He didn't respond after that. TK sent him another after ten minutes or so.

"Maybe you should jus leave Matt. It's better than just cheating all the time."

"No! I'm not leaving Matt!"

"Because you love him?"

He didn't respond again, and this time TK left him alone.

--

He couldn't get it up. Matt tried everything he could think of, trying to unbury some fetish in him, until it started to get sort of gross, and Tai shoved him off. Matt shoved him back. He went rag doll and lay uselessly on the bed. Matt fucked him like a corpse, twice, then left to take a shower.

He was dozing miserably when TK mounted him from nowhere. He ground his butt down over the bulge of his shorts, like Matt had the first night. Without opening his eyes, he conjured clear still frames, bright red when he first heard, a half outline in the dark, angelic in the poor lighting outside his apartment, his beaming, drunken face shining up at him from the floor, scattered I-love-yous and hand squeezes and sharing Gatorade. He loved in general. Aimlessly. Radiated it out in sleepy vibes.

When TK pulled down his shorts and pushed Tai up in to him, everything blurred behind a film of pointless tears. He felt like he was going crazy, overflowing.

"Matt—"

"What'd you just say?"

He covered his face with his hands and mewled for Matt like a baby.

TK had stopped. "I'm not Matt. I'm _TK_. I'm _TK_, Tai. Look at me." He manually pulled his hands away from his face, forcing Tai to fix his eyes as best he could at the boy riding him. "I'm _fucking_ _TK_, Tai."

"I—I know…"

"I'm not Matt. Stop thinking about Matt. I'm TK; get it through your fucking skull. Do you even like Matt, or the one you make up?" He lifted himself off, got to his feet, and glared at him, conveying fathomless hatred. Finally, he rolled his eyes and stomped out of the room. Tai was only relieved. He held Matt's pillow up to his face and deprived himself of air to inhale from it for several minutes.

TK came back. He was wearing hand-me-downs again, and had an expression of total bliss—pouted smile, wide eyes. If Tai hadn't gone completely insane he would've known something was wrong, but he was apathetic.

He sat up against the wall and TK got on him again, ankles crossed over his back, kissing him as if he wanted to.

He should've heard the water stopping from the bathroom, or the door opening, or Matt walking, or something.

Things were shaken back into focus with Matt's surprised yelp. TK was beaming manically.

"What the hell are you _doing_?"

TK whipped around, throwing hair into his face, to exclaim, "Me!" He slid up and off, and fell onto his back, looking at Matt upside down, and pulled his shorts back up over his butt. Tai looked between TK and Matt with nothing but awe. The only reason his insides were still inside was that Matt was too shocked to move—he stood, his feet apart, gripping the towel around his waist, his wet hair fitting to his head.

He stood, shoved on his jeans, because they were the closest article of clothing, and stared at Matt, who stared at Tai, while TK stared at both of them. They might as well have all had guns.

When Matt stomped up to him, rather then put up his own fists, he covered his face with his forearms. He couldn't hit Matt. Matt didn't need to be hit. He did.

His fist connected squarely with the center of his nose. He felt a soft crunch, and cold pain radiated out through his skull, before a tingling numbness. He shoved him back and smashed his head against the wall, rode him down to the floor, and continued to hit him until all he saw was red. TK was saying something, but all he could hear was the ocean. Matt put his full weight into stomping onto his stomach, so that his body curled up without his brain's position, and then it was quiet for a while.

A small hand wiped at the blood around his ears. He felt a mouth on his earlobe, and from behind the waves, heard TK mumbling, "Say my name, _bitch_." And then laughing.

--

He stumbled home blindly. He got the entire row of seats to himself on the crowded subway. Once he got to the door, knowing he was almost there deprived him of the motivation to actually open the door and take the last few steps. He slumped against it and slid to the floor.

Kari opened it after a few seconds, confusing his thumps for knocking. She gasped, forced him up onto his feet, and let him lean on her to trip his way to the couch. He landed with the arm at stomach-level, legs hanging and bloody face pressed into the cushions. After a few seconds, he felt her gently lift his head, and the soft pressure of a warm, soapy washcloth. The only time she spoke while cleaning him was to mention the fact that he'd lost a tooth. Inanely, the voice in his head hoped it was the chipped one.

Despite his mumbled complaints, she forced him into his own room, and into his bed. She sat Indian-style on the floor.

"What happened?"

He started to tell her. His face was swollen, making it hard to speak. Retelling it was like picking a scab and pulling up the surrounding skin by accident. By the end, he was sobbing, probably unintelligible, though she seemed to get the gist of it. He had sort of expected her to spit in his face or something. She rubbed at his hair, until he gasped in pain. She'd touched a lump.

"I kind of knew you were doing Matt and TK, but I didn't know it was like that…do you need anything?"

He shook his head.

"What're you gonna tell Mom? You look pretty awful."

"I d-don't _knooow_."

"Okay, think about it later. Just go to sleep, alright? Everything will be better when you wake up." She got to her feet, sighed, and began to walk out.

"Thanks, Kari. I love you."

"It's alright. Love you too."

It felt sincere.

--

He lounged around for a few days, unable to think or focus on anything. He told his mom he'd gotten in a fight with Matt, which was true enough—she yelled at him for fighting, while Kari interrupted with stories of epic fights at her school to put things into perspective. She made a dentist appointment to get him a fake tooth. After four days, he turned his phone on for the first time—a missed call from Izzy, a text from Mimi, and nothing else. He turned it back off, and went back to lie on his bed and pretend he had died.

"Tai, phone for you."

He sat up on his bed. His mom was holding the portable phone in the doorway, eyebrows raised. "It's TK. Why'd you turn off your cell phone?"

He took it from her without answering, and she left.

"Hey Tai. Just seeing if you're alive. Unlike Matt, I still kinda care about you."

He didn't know what to say. There was a fly bouncing off his window—he watched it listlessly.

"Apparantly not?" 

"Huh?"

"How you doing?"

"I dunno."

"We found your tooth. I don't think they can put it back in after this long. You concussed or anything? Matt went to _town_ on you. Jesus. Remind me to never piss him off."

"He wasn't mad at you?"

"Oh, no. Isn't that crazy? I told him the whole story and everything."

"Like, how you threatened me?"

"Yup."

"And he wasn't mad."

"Nope."

"What'd he say?"

"He called you a bastard a few times and apologized to me for not picking up on it or whatever. He's been all over me ever since. He's letting me sleep in his bed! It's awesome."

"But…that's…"

"Yeah, guess he just cares about me a load more than he does for you. I can't do any friggin' wrong now. Crazy, right? He barely remembered I was alive for two months, and once I got some action, he goes psycho-jealous, beats the shit out of his own boyfriend-fuckbuddy-whatever, like you were nothing to him, and I'm number one again." He laughed. Tai sort of felt like murdering him might be cool.

"So, what, you did it on purpose? Is that what you're saying?"

"Tai, you can be really dense. That's your _charm_. Think it through, and tell me what you get."

He did. He came up with a few odds and ends. Matt had put a lot of emphasis on not letting TK or his dad find out. He'd obviously known he was gay for a lot longer than Tai, or else he wouldn't have tried to do him so fast after finding out, but he hadn't told anyone. TK seemed to know a lot, for a kid his age—he might've learned it somewhere else. Matt was pretty overprotective of TK, like he owed him something, and TK was insanely jealous of Matt having sex with someone, or someone else?

"…Did Matt rape you once or something?"

"Oh, look at you, thinking like a big kid! You and Matt should probably talk, if you can get within thirty feet of him and not have him murder you." TK laughed, and then sighed. There was a long silence. The fly was walking across the ceiling now.

"Look, Tai. I know I've been a total asshole to you, but it's nothing personal. I do love you, like a brother or something. You just got in my way. I'll prep Matt for you. There's some stuff I've been kind of keeping from him. How about I tell him to meet you, umm, in the park tonight? Like seven?"

He wanted to tell TK that he didn't need his help, that he was done with him for life now, and that he could go fuck himself, but he couldn't.

"Sure. That'd be great."

"Things were awesome when we were in the Digital World, right? Fighting for our lives and protecting each other all the time. That's when we were really a family. Maybe we should all get together and put ourselves in horrible danger again. The comradery was like a high or something. I'm sorry you got in the way, Tai."

--

Matt was sitting on the bench with his hands gripping the edge, head positioned directly over his knees. He continued to glare at his feet as Tai padded up to him, stood in front of him, and sat down beside him.

It was just starting to get dark. The streetlights had clicked on as he had walked, and the birds had been replaced by screaming crickets already. It was less crowded on weekdays—the closest people were out of hearing range.

"I didn't mean to beat you up so much. I'm sorry about the tooth."

When Tai looked over, Matt was looking at him. He grinned, poking his tongue through the tender hole. Matt smirked.

"This probably isn't what you want to hear, but us ever having gotten together was probably a mistake."

"Yeah…I _don't_ want to hear it, but I agree."

Another awkward silence.

"So tell me…the stuff I don't know."

"Um…I'm pretty much the evil guy throughout the whole thing." Tai didn't respond, so he pushed on. "TK and I used to, uh….exper—mess around. I never forced him into anything, but I was the big brother, and I told him everything, so it really was all my fault. I might as well have raped him. He had no idea what any of it meant, you know? I mean, we were _really_ little. So my mom, she walked in on us, and I had known it was wrong but I had no idea _how_ wrong, and she went completely neurotic, and my parents' marriage had already been shaky, and that was the final straw for her, so she took TK and my dad took me and, you know. So. Because I regularly raped my little brother, I got separated from him and my mom. I was pretty ready to be overprotective after that. Nobody trusted me for a long time. I know, you know, I'm the big brother, but to them I might as well have pinned him down and _really_ raped him."

Tai was somewhat relieved. The way he'd been thinking, he had pinned him down and _really_ raped him.

"I was mad at you because…I figured it was my fault TK was so fucked up. I didn't want to blame myself. I'm sorry, that was a completely jerkass move. I just sort of go crazy when I think about anyone doing the kind of stuff I did to TK to him again. But he told me earlier, he was fine with all that. He never told anyone, but he was gang raped by a few high school kids a few years back. Apparently they were all messed up, and he was coming home from visiting me at our dad's, and he never told anyone because he thought they wouldn't let him come over anymore, and it was his fault for taking rides from strangers—" Matt's voice caught. Tai didn't know if he was allowed to put his hand on his shoulder. "I probably started it, but—I mean, he's had a hard little life, you know? He's a pretty fucked up little kid. He told me, when they grabbed him? He said, 'Guess who I called for?' and I was all ready to cry, and I said, 'Me?' and he laughed and said, 'Patamon.'"

Matt was crying steadily now. Tai figured it was okay to put his hand on his shoulder. Once he did, Matt buried his face in his collarbone.

"If it were me I'd have gone completely nuts. I should've walked him home or something. I don't know when I'm supposed to be crazy protective and when I'm supposed to just let him go. He's my little brother, I'm supposed to have some sort of—some sort of _instinct_, but I'm flying blind, and every time I turn my back he's—" He coughed and sputtered, and fell silent.

"Big brothers don't have instinct, Matt. Hell, I almost _killed_ Kari when she was a baby. 'Member? Don't be so hard on yourself."

They sat for a while. It was dark now, starless and moonless.

"He said he'd tell Mom about it, so he can see a therapist. I'm sorry you got in the middle of all this. I…I shouldn't have started everything."

Tai rubbed at his back without saying anything. He couldn't think of anything to say. If he had any opinions, he couldn't feel them.

"I think maybe we should…take a break for a while. Maybe once school starts, we can start over from last Spring. Just forget everything."

"What're you and TK going to do?"

"Hm?"

"He's obviously in love with you."

Matt pulled back from Tai, sat up straight with his hands on his knees. "He was just jealous someone else was getting all my attention."

Tai wasn't so sure.

"…Maybe the therapist can fix that, too."

"Hm."

Tai watched a mosquito suck from the back of his wrist.

"I really did love you."

"Did?"

"Well…like that. Now I love you the right way."

"Hm."

"…Things are going to be a little difficult for a while, aren't they?"

Tai stood up. He smiled, broadly, and poked his tongue through the hole. "See you in September."

Matt, half an outline in the darkness.

As he walked away, he felt Matt's eyes on him from his position on the bench. He walked home completely numb, not a thought in his head, walked through the apartment without a word from anyone, and once in his room, found the hoodie full of Matt's smell, pressed his face into it, and breathed deeply.

--

AN: GENERAL APOLOGY.


End file.
